Cold and Down
by Creepy Lady
Summary: Pan leaves Japan at 16, having issues with her father, problems on the street, and the death of a close one hanging over her head. Meets up with Trunks in the States. This was posted before, but i never finished the story. I'm working on finishing it, and
1. Cold and Down

Disclaimer:  
I do not own DBZ nor do I have any affiliation with the people who do, I am a mere fan who likes to misrepresent previously created characters, simply because I think it would work out better this way. (^^)  
Author's Notes:  
In any case this is not the perfect love story fic, pan is not adoring of her father, and he is indifferent to her (I know many of you all loved the gohan/pan father/daughter relationship but well, I don't think it would have been that way). Bra is not going to be a ditz, and neither is Marron, if I do decide to add her to the fic, to shorten this all, I don't like things so simple.  
The theme, as well as the story does belong to me, so this mean's everything written is my own.  
Okay last note, I must say I am music crazy, and well I make music suggestion to go with certain parts of the story as well as lyric inserts. You'll get over it, it's really not that crazy…   
'this' = someone thoughts  
'this' = Pan's thoughts  
[this] = my inserts  
And I might tend to do things from a first persons point of view now and again as Pan.  
  
  
  
Intro Music – The Cure – Burn (…yeah, I know…)  
  
  
'This city is dark-  
  
And sometimes I feel as if the stars themselves hide, and avoid the lighting of this place, this ground that's hallowed from light of any kind. This inviolate law of black, of emptiness, that only matches that of cold winter night's, unseen snow, only the dyeing of the world, only the starvation on the streets, only cry's in the cold and uncomforted night.  
  
This city is dark and cold, and they remind me that it's bleak.  
I feel encased in black, in cold and dark soiled love, and wasted emotion. What was once was felt and yearned for has rotted inside of me… And l feel it still, but it's not only inside of me any more, it's around me. It's in the bed I sleep in bleeding lies through my sheets and through my skin and soaking it all in as I lye still, never crying, never feeling, only fading. And I wash my hands trying to dismiss the dirt, the blood beneath my nails. It's my own blood, I think, though no one can say where it came from, my sullied mind can only guess from hell it emerged and came upon this earth to remind me. They remind me everyday, and every night, of coldness locked between my hands.  
This city is dark- It reminds me everyday of why, it reminds me everyday of who I am, and what I left behind to get here.  
  
This city is my home…. no  
Music Ends –  
  
She had been sitting there in the family room of the large condo for nearly a half of an hour. She sat with her face cupped by both of her hands, chain bracelets and leather gauntlets encasing her wrists, elbows resting on her knee's. Her ebony hair falling freely where it may, sleek, black sun-glasses framed her face. She wore loosely fitting black bondage pants, hugging closely to her hips, chains hanging to her sides, and a tight black tank, with red straps, that matched two of the 8 necklaces she wore, that just happened to be red, ball chain.  
  
"Kaya! How long are you gonna take? It's been forever an' I'm about to just leave you behind."  
  
A dark hared female with purple streaks in her hair pops her head out of a bathroom connected to the other side of the room, having only a light blue towel rapped around her body, and in her hand she holds a curling iron.  
  
"Can you just hang for a couple fucking minutes! Really, you'd think you were born under a rock or something! You just come over and wake me the fuck up too damn early, just so we can go to the studio, in which we could have still done even if it were a few hours later. And you expect me to actually be ready in five minutes?! Just hang on for a couple more minutes."  
  
The black hared young woman stands immediately to defend her previous statements, cocks an eye brow and continues:  
  
"It's three o'clock in the afternoon Kaya, how the fuck is that early?!"  
  
"Chill Pan, I'll be done in a few…"  
And with that she turns on her heel, and slams the bathroom door.  
  
Pan sluggishly falls back in her seat and sighs.  
  
"…girls…"  
  
Soon after Kaya emerges from the bathroom wearing a short black pinstripe skirt with a single chain hanging to her side, tall, platform, leather, buckle up boots, come to the half point on her shins. She also wears a black tank, though it appears sliced open in about five different places on the front, to reveal black fishnet underneath.  
  
"Okay, we can go now"  
  
Pan stood up and eyed Kaya up and down, and smirked and stated indifferently.  
  
"…nice…"   
  
"Yeah, well I bought it didn't I?" Kaya answered in a sarcastic tone.  
  
Pan smiled and simply proceed out of the door grabbing her keys off a side table just by the door, while Kaya followed her out.  
  
  
In the car:  
  
"When did you have the money to buy a car like this?" asked Kaya, noting the new expensive look of the Honda S 2000.  
  
"Um, well, you know how I said I was part of one of the bands that play there at the studio?" she didn't wait for an answer.  
  
"Well, there is this club that is connected to the studio, in front, is where the bar and dance floor are. It's pretty nice,   
sullen… Well when there are not that many people it's better."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So, I'm part owner of it with a guy named Ontashi. He was the one who first helped produce us, when he too was only starting up. He had a little bit of money, and when our band took to the liking of a lot of people, he mentioned his opening a night club and asked if I wanted to join in on the deal, even though I really couldn't put as much money into it. But since it was sometimes hard to get bands to play at a very new club, part of the deal was that my band would play there for a while and attract a crowd, with no profit. Which was kind of hard, had to dip into my savings account to survive that one. Well any way, after the club became popular we started making a better profit, and well I'm doing pretty alright now, with my partnership and all. And it's not that I'm rich or anything. I just like cars like this, fast, something I can play with. Dun' really care if a car is not fast, like your car."  
  
"Not as fast? I'm not gonna be street racer, but I do have a Del Sole that I had hooked up that might compete with this car. I'm sure you made some adjustments to this car yourself. Different engine? NOS tanks, and lets not forget about the computer stability monitor you probably put in just to make sure you were still in the green. You changed the wing on the back too right?"  
  
Just then a dark red, convertible corvette pulls up beside of Pan, revving the engine.  
  
Pan looks over at the driver to see a blue hared young woman, in sunglasses, wearing a smirk on her face.  
  
'smart ass…'  
  
"Nice car… Expensive, though really a shame you wasted all that money on a car that only tops out at 250 at most…" Pan states, giving a sideways glance to the girl. 'long times no see"  
  
The blue hared woman still smirking, just revs her engine again.  
  
'okay, if you wanna play…'  
  
The light turns green and both cars are off but now before Pan adds in:  
  
"See ya later Bra, much…"  
  
Bra does a double take on Pan and takes off a few seconds after Pan is already gone.  
  
"Pan?"  
  
Pan only smiled and pulled up to the curb by a large building, with a purple crooked steel sign stating:  
  
M r. S p o c k  
Opeeka  
  
"Mr. Spock?"  
  
"That's just the sub name, it usually goes by Opeeka…"  
  
Intro Music: Deftones – Change (this band doesn't actually exist in this world. I mean it does but it's not madly popular or anything, they are just a band playing at a club…)  
  
As they walk into the club the sound of music can be heard more clearly. The bass vibrates the building, and the voice of a man echoes through the halls of the dank and almost dreary club. Dimly lit; light shines through small lamps, covered in sheer purple material, inordinately placed upon small maroon tables spread out through the club. The walls were a dark purple/red and the floor was tiled black.   
  
'…sullen' Kaya thought as she followed Pan towards the back.  
  
"This is only the front, the studio is farther back." She says as she extends a hand towards a dark and narrow hallway.  
  
As the make their way towards the end of the hallway, and they are soon in a large white room that much resembles a garage of some sort, but larger. A band is rehearsing, on a small plat form cluttered with wires, microphones, and amps. Speakers line the wall behind them, but seemed to be not all in use.  
  
"Those are the Deftones, they play here a lot. They're pretty good huh?" Pan, motions towards the guys on the platform.  
  
"Yeah, they sound good… Hey what is the name of the band you're in?"  
  
"Opeeka…"  
  
"Like the sign outside?"  
  
"No, the sign is like the band inside… Look the rest of the guys ll' be here soon so if you wanna practice or whatever you can. I mean you are going to have to impress them, I can't just invite into our band without them hearing you first and being part of the decision."  
  
"Yeah, no problem, who was your last DJ?"  
  
"I was, but it was kind of hard doing that and singing, and especially when we needed a bass guitar player."  
  
"right."  
  
"Can you sing at all?"  
  
"Huh? Why?"  
  
"Just thinking, it might be fun…" pan said and smirked.  
  
Kaya walked over toward an open area to set up her equiptment.  
  
  
  
  
Bra walked into a large office building, and headed straight for her brothers office. She pushed open the door, barging in on his computer work.  
  
"You know I didn't think you would actually come with me to America just to intrude on my work and piss me off…" He stated indifferently  
  
"You! Work!? There's a difference now? Besides it's important…"  
Trunks paused for a moment then spat out.  
  
"Well…."  
  
"Pan."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just saw Pan, here in LA"  
  
"What, but… she… where? Did she even recognize you?"  
  
"It was on my way here actually, and yes she recognized me, before I recognized her, she's changed, it's been so long since I've seen her."  
  
"…yeah…"  
  
" Do you think we should contact Gohan about it?"  
  
"No, I doubt she would want that, other wise she would not have left, or she would have at least done it herself, besides she's an adult now, what's he gonna do any way, drag her back to Japan?" Trunks stated plainly and turned back towards his computer .  
  
"Yeah, well, it was just weird seeing her, I just never thought I would ever see her again, it was almost like she had died."  
  
"Close enough, she left." Trunks was still turned towards his computer typing something.  
  
'That almost sounded like he actually cared'  
  
"Well, me, Dez, Tosh, and Ja, are gonna go to this club tonight. You wanna come and disconnect the wire that's chained you to that computer for a while?  
  
"Huh?" Trunks looks up at Bra who's now standing by the door, her face showing a tiny hint of concern.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I have been working a lot lately." He said leaning back in his chair. "What club is it?"  
  
"Umm, it was called Opeeka. I've heard it's good place to be."  
  
"Yeah, I've heard of that place, I'll go…"  
  
  
  
A/N: Ummm, well that's it for the first chapter, I know it wasn't really T/P, I was just introducing Pan (thought it was important) Any way I'll get more into Trunks in the next chapter, even Bra. Well this has been my first fanfic so please, R/R. thanx. 


	2. Lost and Found

Disclaimer:  
No I do not own DBZ, if I did, I would not have to write fan fiction for it, I would just be able to continue the series even further.  
Author's Notes:  
Firstly: Thank-you to those who reviewed my first chapter so far! I love you people! Keep reading, I promise to try and update as frequently as possible, I'm trying to get through any writers block, I might come across, but I have a pretty good idea of how the stories going to go, so that might not happen.  
And I never really explained about the first little entry I wrote, you see I write narrative poems on my own, and I was just introducing the story using metaphors in a poem, from Pan's POV. Sorry if that got anyone a little lost, and I might do it again, when ever the mood strike up enough for me to write something like that, so just warning ahead of time.  
Also, to further note the music thing, when I thought up this story it played out like a T.V. show in my head and well, they have music on T.V. shows, so umm…. Yeah, I know I'm weird…  
Chapter 2:  
Oh yeah, about the flash back things, well have you ever played final fantasy 7, well think of how they did the flash back then, little by little, I liked how they did that so…  
Lastly: This is about Trunks, I have a thing with computers, and well, he does own a business that has the main bulk of it's product computer based and yet I never seem to read anything in which he knows about them, which I thought was kind of strange. And well in my fic, he is insanely smart, especially with computers, and since computers do run a major portion of the world we live in, don't you see where him and the scam could fit in? It's nothing big, but I had to put it in there (^^)  
Any way, please R/R.  
  
Trunks had been sitting in his office staring at his computer screen ever since Bra had left. He shut the program that he had been working on his computer down, and started to play   
  
Stone Temple Pilots – Sour Girl  
-on his computer.  
  
'Pan is here in LA? We are in the same city and I still haven't even seen her. It's been so long, it was like she just disappeared.'  
  
*Flash *  
  
It was late at night and dim lighting in the room played upon her faced, shadowing her eyes, then showing a certain gleam within them. I could not see her, I could not understand. And all that I could do was question over and over again to myself, what brought us here, what brought her to this place in her life, and why won't she just let some one help?  
  
She sat, her head bent down, her face almost indifferent to emotion, yet captured by some turning fate, only showing in her eyes wonder, wonder of what may become, and why life has turn out this way.  
  
*Flash *  
  
Trunks stopped his pacing and turned towards her with eyes wide and angry.  
  
"What do you mean, 'what do I want to talk to you about?' what do you think? How about how you've been treating everyone lately? How about how you were disrespecting Gohan, your father who cares about you, how about how you haven't even been coming home for the last week?"  
  
Pan just sat silently taking in the words. Then almost as if remembering herself suddenly stood, to defend herself.  
  
"My behavior towards everyone else? Look I don't have a problem with anyone; they just all seem to have a problem with me. As for Gohan, he doesn't care about me, he only cares about the idea of me, he and his preprogrammed mind, and shallow affections can fuck off. You don't know how things are, you don't know everything that's happening in my life, who are you to talk to me and dictate what I should and should not be doing?" she paused and thought for a moment.  
  
"And why are you any way? Why are you here talking to me? It can't possibly be because you care about me, you don't even know me, you care about Gohan, and the idea of what I'm supposed to be in his eyes…"  
  
*Flash *  
  
She was standing, her face to the ground, looking into some unknown place, almost as if she saw a glimpse of what the world really was.  
  
"You can know a person's name for a thousand years and never really see who that person is… You don't know me Trunks, don't say that you do…"  
  
She raised her head towards him, to see his head was bent and hair falling over his face.  
  
'maybe I don't know her…'  
  
*Flash *  
  
"I'm not being hard on Gohan, but he can't understand my bad moods, the mood I get whenever I feel like I've been fucked over by the world, when I feel like I just could curl up and die from the things that happen, that I just don't understand myself. I only get shit from him, and I can't take it, and he gets pissed off because of it, when he can't understand just why I can't seem to care enough about everything, and be what he wants me the be…. And still, it's not just him… it's everything…"  
  
*Flash *  
  
"I just need to get away from it, everything… I'm not running… I'm just moving on, I can't be here, and be happy, I need to find something, and I need to leave…  
  
*Flash *  
  
She was sitting again, farther back in the corner now, with her head resting on her knees, that were curled up to her face when she said almost remorsefully yet so lightly as if the words had no meaning…  
  
"I used to care about you, I mean really care about you…."   
  
* End Flashback*  
  
"Excuse me sir… Mr. Brief's… Mr. Brief's?"  
  
Trunks was brought back down to reality by his secretary waving her hand in front of his face.  
  
"Uh, yes, sorry, did you need something?" he asked nodding out of his dazed state.  
  
"Well, your sister had just called, I told her that you were busy, but she wished that I forwarded this message to you.   
  
Trunks-   
We are meeting at Opeeka at 7 PM tonight, be there or I will be forced to come to your place and drag you out myself. The address is _______, ja ne.  
-Bra  
  
"Excuse me but what time is it?"  
  
The red headed secretary checked her wrist watch and responded…  
  
"It is… 5:37 sir."  
  
"Thank-you, I will be leaving now, have Jess' close for me okay?"  
  
"Yes, sir, I will tell him."  
  
The day wore thin, and blackness began to arise in the sky, as the sun slowly fell into the horizon. The streets were   
lulled, awaiting the rush of the cold yet still furious night. A man dressed in a black trench coat, entered into a small back street, and shot through the back entrance of one of the obsolete buildings shadowing the alley.  
  
Inside a purple hared man turned many corners, of the barren structure; halls were slightly cluttered with a steel crate, or single computer, some guards standing posts on corners rare. He stopped once he had approached a large set of steel doors, knocking three times, a camera suddenly moved above the man and focused on him, as he just stare into it. Soon after the large doors pull open by two men standing behind them. He entered casually glancing about the room, as if looking for something in particular. When suddenly a man's low voice beckons to be heard from behind the purple hared man.  
  
"It's not much, I know, but I need to keep my business here rather quite, they really don't like the people who could   
destroy their world with the click of a key…"  
  
He turns around abruptly but smirks as he recognizes the familiar face, and answers his greeting with his own repartee.   
  
"Well, I wouldn't expect them to appreciate anyone who could so bluntly call himself god.  
Long time no see Toni, ne?"  
  
The brown hared extends his hand in salutation, jade green eyes showing only mischief.   
  
"Too long bro…"  
  
Trunks excepts his hands, but still continues.  
  
"So what's been up? I heard you were pullin' some sort of conspiracy in the states, had to come and see it for myself."  
  
Toni cocks his head back and says in a subtle voice.  
  
"Yah, I got a little thing going on here, nothing that some big timer like you would want in on, eh? Or am I assuming too much? And did you actually come here to join me in partnership? We could do a lot of damage on the streets you know?"  
  
Trunks only sneers.  
  
"Nah, while I would like to help you take over the world, I didn't come here to get in on the game, only came to ask for a trade."  
  
Toni slowly shakes his head in defeat, but accepts the circumstances lightly.  
  
"Shame… Well then, what'll it be?"  
  
"Well, I heard you're running a system under a DOS code, your own station of course, but it's been getting into the program management's here in the U.S."  
  
"And?"  
  
"I want accessibility into it's main frame, if you are going to be running some shit like this, I'm not gonna run the risk of losing my own profit margins while you're on your little renegade."  
  
"And what exactly would make you think I would just up and give you that kind of access?"  
  
"Well, while I don't have any real problem with what your doing, and personally favor doing business with you, simply because our paths do cross in those terms, I do have a problems with running risks… And well with that said, I offer you in exchange for your own cooperation, the only program yet made that can completely trash your little system."  
  
Trunks pulls a disk out of his pocket and waves it in the air a bit, only grasping the attention of Toni's gaze.  
  
"Smart, I like it when someone threatens to destroy me, and still expects to be friends afterwards, it's why we would have made good business partners…"  
  
Toni turns from Trunks and begins to rummage through a desk, standing in the corner of the room, and pulls out a black disk.  
  
Holding it up in front of his own face as if some precious treasure.  
  
"This disk will give you maximum accessibility to the DOS code program, along with the programs in it's current accessibility. "  
  
With that he slowly drop his arm down towards Trunks, letting the disk reach his grasp, while Trunks hands him the similar disk of his own. And with that turns and leaves only with saying:  
  
"later…"  
  
  
The city was bright, neon lights, and taxi cabs lit the streets of the bustled city. People roamed their way from coffee shops to crowded night clubs, to poetry readings. While others where just working their corners. Not a place for subtitles, if that, the people here that roamed the streets at night were only looking to have fun, or at least survive the next day, the city was transformed. One place in particular, had attracted a substantial amount of attention that night, the soft glow of the rimmed purple sign that read "Opeeka."  
  
Intro Music : The Deftones - Teething  
  
Bra entered the club followed by a very pale black hared woman, a short blonde girl, and tall and built raven hared man. Looking around she entered feeling more comfortable noting the décor, and music. Allowing the sound to tap into here memory.  
  
'Hey, these are the Deftones, it's pretty nice here… I don't see Trunks though….' Bra heads towards one of the empty table and sits down.  
  
"Hey Dez, she said turning to face the dark hared woman, "have you seen Trunks at all?"  
  
She just looked at her with a blunt stare and replied.  
  
"I am not here to look for your brother. I am here to have a good time, something he must find intolerable because I have yet to see him leave that little shell of an office he lives in."  
  
"Yeah, I was wondering myself if would come."  
  
Just then Trunks plops down, wearing a black wife beater, a metal chain around his neck, black slim fitting bondage pants [yes I do have a thing for bondage pants (^^)…] that were tucked into his leather buckled combat boots.  
  
"And alas, I do arrive…"  
  
"Hey Trunks, didn't think you'd show, you've been so boring lately…" The blonde girl sitting across the table stated.  
Trunks, turned to the girl wearing the pink tank that matched the streak in her hair, with the bracelets and gauntlets ringing halfway up her arms.  
  
"I'm sorry I've been so boring lately Tosh, really, I am trying very hard to fill your needs for personal amusement but well, I just can't stand to cause personal afflictions and self humiliating tasks while I'm still at work."  
She just waved it off, continuing her train of thought.  
  
"You work too much, you should quit."  
  
"I probably should, and then I should try being homeless and poor, I mean I can't say I've done that before and well, 'carpe diaz' ne?"  
  
"…funny…" she sneers but still continues knowing all to well of Trunks' sarcastic sense of humor, or lack there of.  
  
" you wanna dance?"  
  
"Yeah sure" he says as he gets up and pulls the blond away from the table and onto the cleared already where most everyone had filled with their swaying bodies. They begin to move with the rhythm of the music, swinging their head to the sound of it's beat, though soon after they arrive on the floor the music stops as this band had finished their time on stage. People start to clap at their performance, as they gather their equipment and remove them selves from stage.  
Tosh and Trunks head back towards the table where Bra and Dez were now engaged in a conversation with Ja. After about ten minutes of muffled sounds on the stage, only covered by the music being played by the stereo, a man appears on stage to introduce the next band.  
  
"You know them, love them, they are the reason you came tonight, and the reason this place is here, please welcome:  
Opeeka…"  
  
People start to clap and await the performance.  
  
Intro Music: SRC track 8  
(These lyrics are from the SRC CD, track 8, I don't actually have the CD name, or song title, but the band is SRC. And I do not own them in any way at all, but like the song, and the band very much and will most likely being using them again to portray the fictional band in this fan fic, called Opeeka. I may have misquoted the lyrics a bit too…)  
  
The lights dim and suddenly shine a soft purple hue over the woman now standing center stage, behind a slim microphone.  
  
Trunks gaze fixes on the woman on stage, almost captured by her.  
  
'why does she seem so familiar'  
  
A guitar begins to play a harsh tune, that seems lightened and toned by a techno electronic beat that follows, with a reiterating beat.  
  
New sounds come into the mix little by little, accenting the affect of the guitar. Until the sound of the guitar leaves the electronic melody to play on it's own, only shortly after to be joined by a deep, almost husky, female's voice.  
  
"Know that I could always trust you if I want to….  
  
Then raising her pitch a bit  
  
But I'm you're only fan  
Her voice, her very being on the stage has Trunks now just staring into her as she sings, along with a good amount of other people in the audience.  
Find it hard to be a very caring person  
I knew you'd understand  
I try my best to make this into something  
Left unfilled my hand  
  
By now the entire audience almost seems in a dazed state captured by the woman's presence and seduced by her voice.  
  
Left unfilled my hand  
  
The sound of the guitar suddenly joins in, showing the softer tone in her voice  
  
Oh well…  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well…  
  
The guitar fades out again, and leaves the beat to lead her words alone.  
  
See you struggle for a brilliant conversation  
So what you gonna say?  
And if you only knew I think you want to  
I guess I wouldn't mind  
I know it's hard to say the things you must be thinking  
But I could hold your hand  
Yeah I can hold your hand  
  
The guitar starts again, and she reiterates her previous words, still in the same subtle voice  
  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh weeell  
  
Then, she adds a more harsh tone to her voice, as if to emphasize the words, and compromise with the harsh sound of   
the guitar.  
  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well…  
  
The guitar ends it's tune once more, but electronic sound wavers with a new tone, and beat, fading in and out, for while, until it resumes it's old tone, and the woman starts to sing once more in her alluring voice, but now her tone is higher in pitch.  
  
I find it hard to be a very caring person   
I knew you'd understand  
I know it's hard to say the things you must be thinking  
  
Then returns its deepness  
  
But I could hold your hand  
Yes I can hold your hand  
  
As the guitar starts, she immediately joins it with a harsh voice  
  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
Oh well  
  
Her voice calms and softens from its previous and harsh course, and in a sultry voice finishes  
  
Oh well…,   
  
And with that the guitars fade out, as does the electronic beat, and finally the spell on the audience as they applaud those on stage. The lights brighten on the stage, giving a better view of the band to the audience and signaling their end. Every set of eyes locked on the raven hared female that hops off the stage and heads towards the back.  
Just then from where Trunks had moved up to be closer to the stage it hits him why she seemed so familiar.  
  
"pan?"  
  
She walks by him heading towards a door that is on the other side of the room, though as she passes, she gives him a sideways glance, and he could almost see her smirk, as she averted her eyes away again and continued on her way.  
  
  
Author's Notes: So what did you think? Good? Bad? I was probably taking a chance on the whole computer scam thing, but really, I like the idea, and it will have a purpose again later on in the story. I know I promised more T/P action on this chapter, but I'm still getting to that point and well, this seems like a good place to end the chapter. Besides it's four A.M. and all I want to do is post this. So R/R, pLeAsE!!! (^^) thanx. 


	3. Past Tense

Disclaimer: would I need a disclaimer if I owned DBZ?  
Okay: I edited this chapter some, I made a few *cough * typos, hee hee, um and other than that everything stays the same! Okay so I did make things a little more clear… I hope…  
Author's Notes: I know thing have been pretty simple in the story, with the exception of the runaway and the band and business, and the scam, and well the T/P thing. But well, I had to make things a little more complex in this chapter to explain the story better, so this chapter may be a little depressing, well compared to that of the first two any way.. The first part is a little off, but it makes sense as you read the rest of the chapter. You'll understand…. I hope.  
By the way, I f no one gets this, I'm just going to point it out now "Trunks was a gang banger" (…yeah I know…, but you'll understand)  
Age's:   
When Trunks was twenty, Pan was thirteen, Goten a year younger than trunks, and Bra a year younger than pan, other than that, you need not know anyone else's age.  
'This' – Trunks thought's  
* flash*  
this – Trunks flash backs  
This – is me, the narrator  
P.S. Everything under [Narrator:_____] takes place in the present – except when labeled so…  
  
Intro Music – Marilyn Manson – Target Audience  
  
Present – Trunks POV – thoughts -  
  
'Forever had passed since I last saw this face. Since I last heard this voice, since words of hers had sunk so deep into me, after I had only stopped caring what the world was, what people were, what I was. If anyone could just walk away from their life and pick up a new one why couldn't I? Why couldn't I be at all like the people that just come and go, never realizing what they walk into or out of? Only reminiscing about the good and bad, never seeing or understanding those underling, words between the lines, moments that form the world that sometimes only I seem to be living in. Me and this little world, only grasping what I thought was lost to everyone but a few, who I could solely call my brothers.  
  
"I see all the unbelievers…"  
  
Why do I try? Why do I continue this little charade, this continual line of lies? I don't know, maybe because I feel like I left a piece of what I was in the past, is carried, understood and maybe even held on to by those who only knew me then. I am what I made myself to be, ignoring the effortless input of those in my surroundings. This foreboding world can only deceit the eyes of the innocent, bearing more weight on what I had felt once to be reality, shaking the world I live in, crumble to the ground, and pick up the pieces only to drop them again. Finding what little left mendacity's had yet to corrupt our so soiled minds, the praetorian, the few they are. I see in no one, and hide from all, in shadows whim, but then I saw her…  
a ghost, and suddenly… everything stopped… '  
  
Narrator:  
  
She walks by him heading towards a door that is on the other side of the room, though as she passes, she gives him a sideways glance, and he could almost see her smirk, as she averted her eyes away again and continued on her way.  
  
'…pan'  
  
She maneuvered her way through the crowd with a certain braggadocio (fancy word for arrogance) in her walk.  
Trunks stood behind staring after her, momentarily bemused, before he could think to gain her attention.  
"Pan!" He yelled from across the room, though she continued on her way, now pushing herself through a door in the back, heading into another room. He followed her, cutting his way into the crowd, quickening his pace when she was no longer in view. As he made his way towards the door she had too entered just moments before, he saw her now proceeding up a small flight of stairs to the side of the room. He gently took her wrist in his hand to gain her attention as she suddenly stopped on the fifth step to the flight.  
  
"Pan…"  
  
She tilted her head a bit giving him a questioning glance. Not speaking only gazing into his eyes. He did the same, questioning what to say, though what words that came to mind seemed of no consequence.  
  
She leaned her head back noticing the prolonged silence between them, smirked and almost laughingly stated.  
  
"Nice to see you…"  
  
"yeah… been here long?" asking casually as if it were not the words that mattered at all, he himself now gaining a half smile with familiarity of it all.  
  
"I've always been here…"  
  
This only reminded him of something she once said before, bringing back memories, floods, of the past.  
  
"you've changed…"  
  
She looked down, as if in a moment of thought and raised her head once more, staring into his eyes.  
  
"…maybe…"  
  
She heard the click of a door, as someone entered the hallway leading to the room, in which she was standing. She leaned onto the metal railing, arms hanging over listlessly.  
  
"I have to go now…" he didn't say anything to that but before she left, tilted her head once more to the side and said remorsefully followed.  
  
"…look at you…"  
  
She turned again and lead herself up the remainder of the stairs, proceeding into the entrance at the top, closing the door as she slowly dissolved from his view.  
  
"What are you doing back here Trunks? I don't think we're supposed to be back here…"  
  
He looked back to a shorter blue hared girl pulling down on his shoulder.   
  
"Oh, uh yeah… Hey Bra, look, I have work tomorrow and everything, so I think I'm just going to leave early and go home…"  
  
"But you just got here?"  
  
"Uh, yeah I know, I shouldn't have come, but don't worry about it…"  
  
"um, okay I guess, see ya…"  
  
Trunks just brushed his way by her not responding any longer to her presence. He left the club in a sort of dazed, and clouded stated, as if he were no longer in his right mind, or grounded at all. Tosh came up behind his as he made his way through the crowd, pushing through the mobs dancing bodies.  
  
"Hey Trunks! Where are you going?"  
  
He didn't respond as he cut his way past her and others in the crowd, leaving her to stare blankly after him.  
  
'Why do I feel like I'm suffocating? I just need to get out.'  
  
  
Intro Music: The Violent Femmes – Color Me Once.  
  
Narrator:  
  
His head seemed to be pushing down on his brain, making him feel trapped inside of himself, suddenly thankful for the cool air as he finally made his way to the empty street. Night in blackness, covered his worries, instincts taking control over him, he walked towards some unknown destination, pushing back suppressed memories, doubt's regrets, once more, after so many years.  
  
* Flash *  
  
Narrator: Past - Flash back – Trunks and Goten  
  
It was night in the city, blackness shrouded what beauties day beheld, in tombstone gray were their words, you either play the game or it plays you. So why be it that there was no winner to this game?  
A young man made his way through the desolate night, escaping forlorn truth, disgruntled by thoughts, deceptive lies. He came across a small group of people, standing idly, waiting….  
  
One of the shadowed faces came closer to the young man who had just entered the group.  
  
"So what you packin' ?"  
  
"Hell, man, I dun look…"  
  
"yeah, well I always see what they got me luggin' round the city"  
  
"Yeah, and that's how dumb asses like you get yourself killed, you know they dun want their shit tainted by bitches like you."  
  
' only 14, what children they were…'  
  
::fades out:::  
  
*End *  
  
Narrator:  
  
Trunks stumbles endlessly on his way through the night, walking so lightly, so unembellished by emotion what so ever, as if never there were. A building, tall, stood before him, darkened further by the night, though appearance suggested that it's gloom hung there even in daylight.  
  
* Flash *  
  
Past – Trunks POV -   
  
At early morn, people crowded in the dank ware house, gunshots blazing through the air, blood spilled to the ground, the screams of death hung in the air, as battle cries let out of it's caging womb.   
  
And I stand still, watching…  
  
*End *  
  
Narrator:  
  
He stood there momentarily, looking into the abandon structure, and from somewhere far away, heard his name called in a whispered, so in a whispered scream.  
  
* Flash*  
  
Past – Trunks POV -   
  
Blood streaked my vision, falling freely, but then I noticed it wasn't my own, that of another's had spilled onto me in such chaos, sprouting in the air, as the lives of so many I had known slipped through my hands, as I knelt and lied to them of times in the future when things would be alright again, neither believing my words.  
  
"Trunks!"  
  
And that's when I saw it, when I saw my eyes run into thin slits, when the ground beneath me crumbled, and fell with it. I ran over to the last piece of me that I knew, that existed, kneeling like just moments before with another, but nothing like this. Nothing could be at all like this.  
  
"Go..Goten?" His blood stained me as it fell freely from his limp body propped up only by my own will. I had no comforting words, no lies I could tell him of tomorrows we would see, because now not even I was sure I would make it to the next day. His eyes held only regret, I knew.  
  
"Gohan… told me… to watch her… But I left her there… to come do this…"  
  
"Goten?"  
  
"was… it worth it?" he struggled as he spoke, blood spill from his mouth. I only shook my head furiously 'no.'  
  
"pan… she's still on the streets… can you find her for me? Gohan, would kill me if anything had… happened… to   
her…"  
  
My eyes widened in shock and almost laughed as tears formed in my eyes. I had never cried for anyone, but now, I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to think about what I was doing.  
  
"Goten, don't do this, don't leave…" I pleaded with him to no ends, but it was too late, his eyes shown so glassy, so still, he was no longer there with me in that ware house, I was alone now, again....  
  
* End*  
  
Narrator:  
  
Turning from bad memories, continuing on his way, though not escaping what past he held, what had made him what he is today. He changed direction, climbing his way up the streets, still no destination.  
  
* Flash*  
  
Trunks thoughts -   
  
'This has always been all that I could see. This shattered world, with its black and blood streaked sky, demons crawling up from the cracks that we ourselves made in the earth, only to be possessed later by the hate we had fabricated. For all the tears created by what words, so shallow we had said in faithless hate, in unhopeful torture, pray to all that holds us down to hell, for ever if we felt bliss, may our mind corrupt, bemused, then shatter in insanity. But what am I to say for all of those who can't even see the decay and rot they nurture beneath their skin, what am I to say, but be happy in ignorance, you'll die of it soon enough. In coldness, bleak, I heard them scream, but what could be more pastoral than that of hot blood running down your hand from another, from whether it be your own, blade rushed through your heart, as though it were never there to begin with. As if you were born with none, to feel the disdain, the macabre chain wrapped round your neck as you hang off the balcony you were born on. In lechery for none was felt other than this, and born in tears alone, in death we do bear life. For what shall it be said for the vice brought and guided be our benighted mind. We are what we create ourselves…'  
  
* Flash*  
  
Past – Trunks POV -  
  
It was still night when I found her, though I could almost feel the warmth the day seeping into endless black. She was curled up on a bench in the park, head lain on the steel arm rest, underneath her uncles coat.   
  
"pan…"  
  
She looked so young, she was, but still so much older than other her age. Only thirteen… She stirred in her sleep when I called her name, slowly coming back to a conscious state.  
  
"Trunks?" she mumbled lightly as she woke. "Where's Goten?"  
  
I looked down, not knowing what to tell her, what I could possibly say. But she caught my action, she knew where her uncle had been tonight and she sat up then stood slowly backing away from myself and the bench.  
  
"Trunks? Where is Goten?" She said more firmly though I picked up on the wavering in her voice.  
  
"Pan, I…" But she didn't let me finish. She just shook her head looking down tears forming in her eyes.  
  
"No…" she stuttered on the word.  
  
"Pan"  
  
"No… NOOO!!!!!" She was yelling now, tears streaming down her face.  
  
"You! You Bastard!" She yelled at me, but I did nothing, I knew the feeling of empty rage, and how could I deny her words.  
  
"BAKAYAROU!" I saw her breaking down, shaking as she whimpered, cried. I only tried to get closer to her to comfort her but she only backed away again.  
  
"Pan, let me-"  
  
"You killed him…" I stopped, stood dead silent, her words hanging in the air. "You killed him, you're the reason he's dead. He looked up to you and now he's gone because of it!!!" Her eyes were wide, locked on me, tears streaked her pale cheeks, though still she stood questioning her own words.  
  
"He was my brother Trunks… He was my uncle, but he was like a brother to me. He was everything, and who do I have now? HUH?! I'm alone, and you're partly the reason of it. You should have known better. You were older than him!"  
  
"Pan, no you have me, I promised Goten I would-"  
  
"You promised Goten what? You promised him a lot of things Trunks, but look were he's at now. I don't have you, I'm afraid of you. Just, just stay away from me…"  
  
She turned and ran, but I didn't follow. Her image slowly fading into the black as she distanced her self from me. I couldn't think, I was in shock, as I turned to see the sun rising in the east, gradually diminishing any signs of night that still hung in the morning sky. The golden morning sky…  
  
*End *  
  
Narrator:  
  
He sat on the curb of no place he had known, only thankful for the relaxation of bearing no weight to carry on his legs. Though still heavy with thoughts of concern.  
  
*Flash *  
  
Past – Trunks POV -   
  
I remember picking up the newspaper, the front page titled, innocent bystanders killed in reckless gang slaughter. I noticed Goten's name was there, no one knew he was part of it, the reporters must have went to his house, after the police had found nothing there, and called in one of those innocent bystanders, but no one knew what had happened that night. Not his family, not Gohan, only me…. Only me, and Pan…  
  
*End *  
  
Narrator:  
  
He bent his down, in remorse, to his respects he paid, all the pain that had happened in the past…  
  
*Flash *  
  
Past – Trunks POV -   
  
It had been three years since Goten- I had almost lost contact at all with the Son family. I doubt that I would have had any contact with them at all if they had known at all that I was there the night Goten had… Gohan called me every so often, just to talk, sometimes about my work, sometimes about his, other times, and the times I now seem to remember the most, about his fights with pan.  
  
" Why are you being so hard on Gohan? And Pan what are you talking about I have known you since you were born."  
  
She snickered but only looked down at the floor, as if captured in some unknown world, in some truth unknown to me and said with signs of remorse in her tone:  
  
"You can know a persons name for a thousand years and never really see who that person is… You don't know me Trunks, don't say that you do…"  
  
*End *  
  
Narrator:  
Trunks stood up shaking his head, continuing on his way through the night, now having gained some sense of perspective on everything that had been happening.  
  
*flash *  
  
Past – Trunks POV  
  
I had seen her the previous night, she looked so lost, and somehow I thought it would be the last time I ever saw her, her flight left at the end of the week, she had told no one but me. But I didn't plan on telling anyone else, or try any further to make her change her mind. The night had always been my calling, out onto the streets, when the world had turned a bit more sullen, more endurable to me. And that's when I saw her, she was in some alley darkened alley surrounded by a group of people that from what I could tell were only the grunge. But she was there, she was there with them, deceived like the rest of them standing there. This was a meeting, scheduled, and it had a purpose, I knew the look only too well. I walked up right behind, grabbed her shoulder and spun her around, her face showing anger, betrayal.   
  
"what are you doing here?" I caught the attention of the others in the group, each going for their own weapon, I knew I could handle them, this was little shit to what I was pullin' before. but she put her hand up any way signaling   
to ease out.  
  
"It's none of your business so you can just go."  
  
I came to a sudden realization to what was happening here.  
  
"So this is why you haven't even been coming home for the last week." Some people behind her began to snicker, at that she just got pissed.  
  
"You know!" she yelled to the group behind her "Why don't you all just shut the fuck up before I make you!" "And as for you" she said turning towards me. "You don't know, you just don't know me, so dun bother tryin'…"  
  
I only smirked, sneered in disbelief, I can't believe she would get caught up into some crap like this after what had happened before. 'and she says that I don't know her, fuck I don't want to know her!'  
  
"No pan, you're right I don't know you, how could I ever know, or even understand someone…. Just like… the rest of them…"  
  
Defensively she rose her voice confronting me.  
  
"You don't know anything!"  
  
But I just turned ignoring her words, and walking away, out of her life.  
  
"Well fuck you! And I don't feel sorry for sayin' it either you cock sucking little bastard!" She yelled almost desperately as she saw him, for last time in eight years, just walking away…  
  
*End FlashBack *  
  
Present: Trunks POV – thoughts -  
  
'I know I am everything they said I was, and never being more is what disappoints me now. I was never in heaven, only in hell, only in bleak, and colorless hell. It was everything losing the value of. And I was everything they valued then.'  
  
Narrator:  
  
By this time Trunks had made his way through the city, having walked back to his apartment, his car still parked in front of that club. But he couldn't think of that now, his head so cluttered, brain rotting with filth and decay. He could only make his way up the stairs, fumbling his way into his apartment, falling onto the bed still clothed, and sink drunk into the sleep of the troubled, nightmares filled and cradled mind.  
  
End -  
  
  
A/N : well, that sets the basis for the back bone of the story, everything else will basically be built on that, now I don't plan on making this story full of angst (otherwise I would have sub typed it that way), but I do get where this chapter may not have been what some people were expecting. So r/r and tell me what you think. 


	4. Empty

Disclaimer:........right.  
  
A/N: It's been a while but what can I say? I have the next few chapters already in the making though, so my next update won't take barely a day or so. I would appreciate reveiws, so read and review, thanx.  
  
  
Intro Music: The Cure - Apart  
  
The night embraces me, in her glory, in her darkness, her solitude, disrupted only by the light of day, that should take her from such magnificent evils that augment her cliche. The night and all that is hers, embrace me, in her coldness and dark beauty that eludes the disgust that the world holds on any ordinary veiwer.  
  
The night enicircles me, in her whims and tears, they fall from the sky, and in darkness only deepen, as rain clouds hide the whistful moon. And I feel a peace, a knowing, a dignity in all of this.  
  
It is her kindness, and grace, the dying bride that enslaves minions of a higher court, the mystical notions of her moon and how wonderous it is when even the moon should hide her face and cry into the night, in fear perhaps, in saddness ensued.  
  
'Here we are...  
How should we be?'  
  
"The night could always hide my face.'  
  
  
It's late now, another night, another casualty. The parking lot of Opeeka is empty, all but us, my casualty and I. Me his, and he mine, we walk together, half drunk, half aware of the situation.   
  
He is escorting me back to my apartment, and of course for a reason. It's another night, another way to take me away from myself.  
  
I never got a good look at his face, and I'd be a better person I suppose, if I had asked his name. Though in the lonely night and empty streets, I can see through darkness, his long black hair falling freely over his eyes. Thinking now I wish I knew what color they were, I know that a persons eyes are a window to their soul, but then I remember that I don't need to care about that anway.   
  
I remember that when I met him in the club he must have appealed to me physically, or I would not be half drunked right now with him in an empty parking lot, staggering to my car, with his hands running up and down my body as as we walk together.  
  
I can feel his face on my neck, as he holds me from behind, his breathe at my ear, his hands wandering up my stomach, as I fumble with my keys to unlock the passenger door to my car. I feel him tighten and turn me around to face him, and his lips meet mine, his tongue exploring my mouth and I close my eyes instinctivly and my own hands begin to discover his body through his clothes. I can feel him pushing my body to press against the car, but I shrug him off laughingly as I make my way to the drivers side of the Honda.  
  
As I start the car up, and turn the bass up, my eyes glance sideways, and I can see him listlessly rest his head to the side panel of the door. I don't know anything about this man, and still this is a familiar situation. And it has almost an air of comfort to it. I can only feel a nothingness inside of me, and now its only dilluded by lust and liquer.   
  
And I stare into the dull city lights, blinking street lights and signs, broken and letters missing. It still gives my hazed mind room to think, to wander in the emptiness that I suffer from in this car ride. I wished that we were already there, and that I was in position where I wouldn't have to, or wouldn't be able to think any way. But that comfort comes later, right now though, I can feel the emptiness very distinctly.  
  
His face, it held regret, is that the part of myself that i'm running from tonight?  
  
'Trunks...'  
  
How had he shown up tonight? Had he looked me up, after Bra had realizd who I was? Had it just been random luck? Or lack there of? Though I tell myself that it doesn't really matter, that I should just leave it be. If he has some great need to be a part of my life again, he can find me, I don't have a reason to look for him. I don't even know if I would want him in my life again, the past is in the past, but things would just be so complex and ackward, if he and I spoke again. After all this time. But if that were the case, why did I give him the chance to find me, and confront me tonight?   
  
'Trunks....'  
  
'That was so long ago, all the things that had happened, that I had worked so hard to move above, to forget....I didn't want them to come back, ever, thats why I had left it all behind me in the first place.'  
  
And even with the my intoxication I can feel the saddness grow, emotions that I thought I had abandon in the past, soar over me. I can almost feel them spill over me.... Almost....I being the person I am would never let emotion take control over me, or lead, or play even the smallest part inside my judgement ever. I am not the type to lead a life based on things so petty, and worthless. Emotions, people they are all part of a game. And game I play quite well without ever getting attatched.  
  
But that was exactly my problem, in the past I had been attatched to Trunks. He had been part of my childhood. Someone that I would have clung to, someone, had the circumstances been differents, perhaps I would still cling to.  
  
I can feel him now, in the night, so close to me. I had always felt he was close to me, like he had held a part of my soul that I would never let anyone else touch. But it was a small part, a part that I had cut off access from him to a long time ago. And in my eyes now, he was no longer welcome...  
  
I looked over towards the man in my car, as I slowed down and pulled up the curb in front of my apratment. He straightened his posture, and fumbled to get out of the car, and waited for me to come around and lead him into the building. As I made my way towards him, he put his arms around my body, pulling on my clothes, as I walked backwards facing him, finding his mouth to mine, working my hands down his body, into the building, our faces locked together in drunk lust. And all this takes my thoughts and recollections of the night, and puts them in the back of my mind. To live in the now, is a task I find myself facing often. This is just my now, my happy now.  
  
%&^$!%#$@$%@%#@%^$%^$^%&$&^%&$%$@$@$@^%@$%^$^%@$@^% $@%^$@%$@%@$  
  
A/N: Yes well, that was it for that chapter. A bit shorter than my normal chap, but i'll make up for it with a quick update. I know this story is going in a whole bunch of different directions, so I decided that I would do one point of veiw at a time, just to make it easier to understand, and easier for me to update frequently, until I pick the story line up again. Any way, read and reveiw, tell me what you think about it. thanx. 


	5. Rising

A/N: I'm sorry, i'll never do it again, but I was in a strange mood and I just had to make him act like an immature moron for a couple of seconds in the story. He's never gonna do it again, in my eyes he's more of the brooding, loner, intelligent type, if you don't know what i'm talking about, you will. read and reveiw.   
  
Disclaimer: No...not even now...  
  
!$#@%$@#%#@$%#@#@$%#@$%#@%$#@$%#@$%#@$#@#@$#@#@%#@$%#  
  
Intro Music: Sweeter than anything, by PJ Harvey  
  
'The black inside this hallowed whole seems to be fading into a gray'  
  
A small child sits idly on a moss covered stone in a painted green forest. As if it came down from some sacred place, the wings of cherry blossoms come floating down to earth. And the child, he sits there listlessly hanging his head backwards, revealing in the glorious sun, and rays cast down through the clouded forest trees.  
  
'And I lye still.....'  
  
He wears black, and seems strangely out of place, his plae skin greatly contrasting to the darkness in his attire. His long lilac hair seems too pressed, as if the sun had never once had the pleasure to touch. And his lightly glossed blue eyes, seem somehow dull, even in this light.  
  
'Here, inside a picture perfect heaven. I've covered the scars by now with happy thoughts and mislead smiles. I guess that even I had discarded those hateful memories, and anything that reminded me of them.'  
  
And his eyes seemed so silent. Not exactly calm, just... empty? And he sat void of emotion, as if he were falling and holding his gaze to that light, the sun above the forest, resting gently in the sky.  
  
'Why do you insist on taking me to that place in the past when you know that its so painful for me? And why do you insist on being that person who knew me then, and felt the pain right along with me?'  
  
And even without hope, he almost looked just like a child on the outside, he was pale, perhaps, and maybe he even seemd a bit frail, and fragile, in this place.  
  
'Even without words, I could see it in your eyes. You had never left me, and I had just been facing backwards while the world spin outside my head. Can anyone see you?'   
  
Almost violantly he whipped his head forward, catching it half way down, his gaze caught on something of inadiquacy on the ground.   
  
'I know inside this perfect heaven, it's but a delusion, and you were real, and you were the only thing left of what we had been as children. And the hopes and dreams that we had carried back then.'  
  
His expression is so pained, his eyes fixed on forbidden objects, blinded to his own wondering mind. He tilts his head to the side, in curiosity, he seems to find this so forlorn.  
  
'But I never really knew you did I? And still I could always see that you were the same as me, just like him, and even after he had gone, it was like just looking at you, he was still there.'  
  
But there is blood where his gaze has been fixed, red that stained the ground, only captured by his own eyes, yet still he is the only one blind enough to see it. The wind sweeps up against his back, and drys a single tear trailing down his cheek, that could never have been cried from his own eyes.  
  
'You will always be a part of me. But will you cover up that part?   
Words could not express...'  
  
!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$$^%$^$%^%&&%&*  
  
Intro Music: Lamb of God, by Marilyn Manson  
  
'All I see is black.'  
  
'And I get this way without you.'  
  
  
The black fades away, retreiting as a brightness breaks through, a white light, blinding, novel to these eyes that have for so long only looked into darkness. But though I see this light I know that I'm not a part of it, the screams buried underneath a calm surface break through in solitude. And I retreate from the light, as the pain consumes me and I once more see black.  
  
  
The shady night crept away from the golden rays breaking through the sky. 6 A.M. came around much too soon for some in the city. And still a gloom seemed to hang over a certain inner city apartment. Light broke through the window, shunning out some of its natural dank expression, and causing a stir in its inner core of its life. And he adbrublty awoke...  
  
I slowly open my eyes to only close them quickly once more, as I struggle to shade myself from the bright morning sun as it shines through my steel gray curtains, flashing like a storbe, on and off as the the curtians swing, in rythmatic motion with the cold morning breeze that enters my room.   
  
It's then that I notice the state of fever in which my body does feel. I'm flushed and drenched in sweat, my eyes hazed by my tassled hair, damp also with sweat and caked to my face. My head feels pressured from inside, and suddenly I feel the need to purge this sickness from myself, curling in to hold my stomach, though pushing the sickness back down, I extricate myself from the crumpled gray sheets of my bed and fall forward onto the cold concrete floor.   
  
I lye momentarily still, letting my forehead find comfort in the cool salvation of the cold floor to my loft. My palms gaining familiarity of the rough concrete platform, I try to push myself up, ignoring the unpalatable pain growing inside of me. My arms shake as I struggle to gain composure, bearing woes with my own weakness, and aching muscles. Persperation drips from my forehead, trickling a path to the tip of my nose, and falling to the ground. And taken aback, it seems forlorn and unreal, as I watch the liquid fall, I feel myself falling with it. My body begins to go numb, and I feel my mind begin to to drift, falling from reality and finding a home within somber delusions.   
  
'And the leaves being to fall'  
  
'And I can't seem to forget'  
  
'That you came along'  
  
'What deceptions I regret'  
  
And neon green swirls inside of me.... huh?  
  
"Ugh!"  
  
I let out in slight pain. My voice is cracked and I break into hacking coughs, feeling my own saliva drip from my mouth finding its path to the floor.  
  
'This had got to be more than a hang over... I feel sick."  
  
I clumsily gain control of my body, grabbing hold of black crome side table, lifting myself up, only to find myself stumble to the floor once more as the side table tilts with my weight, and falls sideways with my body causing a loud 'thud.'   
  
I can hear the old woman upstairs banging on the floor with her cane, as she did so many times before, though, for me, on much friendlier occassions.   
  
"Some people are trying to sleep!" I hear her hagged voice croak.  
  
But I pay no mind, as I have greater endevers at hand, like actually getting up off the floor. I seek stability once more, this time grabbing hold of the crome bed post to help me to my feet. And this time with a vail. I stagger to my window, once standing, to feel the cool breeze engulf my body, claiming dignity to my ill state, as I feel my persperation deminish. I hang my body further out of my apartment window, clinging to the top of its frame, as I take in the sight of the early, and yet empty city.   
  
"I can't even take another sick day from work.... damn."  
  
Taking my grasp off the window frame, I find myself still with a stagger in my walk, and my head just seems to cluttered to function correctly.   
  
"But work comes first...."  
  
'so its to my preparation of making myself another socially suitable drone.'  
  
:::Fades Out:::  
  
  
I make my way out of the quant, brick, center city apartment, adjusting my black tie, over my light blue butten down shirt, adjusting my cuff links over the uncomfortable black blazer.   
  
'Ah the corrporate attire.'  
  
Making my way to the curb, with my keys in hand, I look towards the space that is usually reserved for my car, with an unusual curiosity sprung.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"  
  
I look around, as the old couple taking a morning stroll, who had been holding hands, contently taking in the fine morning, abrubtly stop, gazing at me, startled to no ends. A man in a business suit who was walking across the street, gives me a questioning glance as he hurries on his way. But the attention does not disued my outstated yet alarmed condition.  
  
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAR!?!?!"  
  
I start gazing down the street to see if I had parked it somewhere else, and had somehow forgotten the event.  
  
"I HAD A CAR! I KNOW I HAD A CAR, I LEFT IT HERE!!!"  
  
The old couple are still staring at me curiously, so of course I must be polite, and answer their questioning pleas.  
  
"DID YOU TAKE MY CAR!?!?" pointing to the old couple accusingly.  
  
"DID YOU SEE MY CAR? I KNOW I HAD A CAR, IT WAS BLACK AND SHINY AND IT WAS MINE!"  
  
Perhaps the alcohol, the hang over, had still its effect in hazing my mind, because normally, at least I am to the point sure, that I do not go for the dramatics, and am not this eccentric. None the less I am not the type to be shy and regret things like this sudden behavior or especially be ashamed of my stupid and idiotic ways. So without belaboring the subject any further or even trying to prove the slightest notion to the old couple, or other people on the street staring, that my sanity was in fact, still in tact, I waved my arm up to an oncoming cab, to hail it in.  
  
As the yellow taxi pulled its way to side the side of the street, I slowly got in, ignoring that blant stares form the people on the street, and pointing out directions to the cab driver, he then slowly proceeded in pulling out onto the road.  
  
Inside of the cab, the driver made some uninteresting comment about the weather, but I just grunted and waved him off. My mind was still hazed with confusion, and sat bewildered, looking out the window, yet not actually seeing the city outside the cab.  
  
But still my mind wonders of my car, I was sure I had it yesterday, and cars don't disapper. They get stolen, but I would have least remembered driving it home if it had been stolen last night in my sleep.  
  
"Last night....."  
  
And suddenly I begin to feel once more that sickening feeling.   
  
"Last night...i was... she."  
  
And opening the flood gate, it all comes back, like so many times before it had,these memories, but this time it was different. I had a new one to add.   
  
"Her..."  
  
She was there.  
  
"Oh God."  
  
And the sinking feeling inside my stomach grew, and I began to dread the memory, yet somehow it didn't even hold any importance, not enough for it to be so dismissed.  
  
"So cold down there, but it does't change up here either."  
  
This was once my city, the lights though bleak, and my reflection beheld to none within, it was mine, a home that found its way to me. the streets, the cold unwavering night, I followed it into my own personal demise. And it dwindled inside of me, this flame, until there was nothing left.  
  
"And I feel nothing now." I whispered to myself in a hushed tone, as if to justify my thoughts.  
  
'I know it to be a truth, that heartache is better than lacking the feeling of this undertone. For when you find yourself filled with nothing at all, you lose all meaning in life, and find yourself questioning your own existance. All in all, it makes out for one hell of a narcisistic existence. Trying to define our own trials, and triumphs, as actions that define our being, yet it is nothing but delusions that we create around our self to justify our emptiness. And I am no fool to this, I know very well what i'm running from.'  
  
"The past will always find me though... it will always be there in my mind, and she is a part of that past. One of the bigger parts that make it harder and harder to see any thing clearly at all." I gazed remoresfully out of the cab's backseat window.  
  
These thoughts were too much for me to deal with.  
  
"Ugh"  
  
I said as bit too loudly, as I bent my head down, closing my eyes, and rubbing my forehead, I had now gained the attention of the taxi driver.  
  
" Ey, man? Are ye' alright, there?"  
  
He asked in a city slicker slurred tone. Looking back at me through the rear veiw mirror with a curious gaze.  
  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine."  
  
I stated weakly, yet it still seemed to gain the approaval of the nosey cab driver, as he took his gaze off of me, and set it once more on the road before him. And I was thankful when I saw we were nearing my work.  
  
'If it bothers me so much then I shouldn't even deal with it, its not like I was the one who left, and I have no reason to even go back, and try to rekindle a broken and forever empty friendship that was bound only on one dead body.'  
  
Then of course my own stupidity dawned, and realization came to me.   
  
"My car..... It's at that club......ugh!"  
  
!@$#@%#&^$&*%&*^&^$$%@#$!#@@$^%^&$%#%^$&**(&*%^$$%##$@$%#^  
  
A/N: Yeah so thats it for this one, the next chapter is halfway done and should be up within the next few days. R and R. thanx. 


	6. Sun Scape

Intro Music: Marilyn Manson - Resident Evil  
  
  
The volume on the sound system is turned up lightly by a small pale hand.  
  
The sun can barely make it's way into the room. The dark burgundy curtains, there to conceal its light. Darkness towers inside of the dwelling, the black walls, can be seen now and then, when not hidden by the sheer burgundy tapestries. Crome black, and stained red, glass tables hold my belongings and about them is scattered clothing.  
  
The morn has awoken I, and now re-entering my room after fully waking up, though still only clad in black lingerie, and a silk, blood red full length robe, I notice a stirring from my bed, possibly because of the music now playing. The black velvet material rides up and down and tumbles to the ground to reveal a pale, dark hared man, clumsily sprawled over the matress.  
  
I walk over towards him. He there, lying on his back, he stretches some before he opens his eyes to look towards me.   
  
I tilt me head down, though our eyes are still locked, as I continue my stride towards him. He inches his way towards the edge of the bed, not yet actually arising, or making any effort to get up.   
  
He pulls on my robe, and prodes me on top of him, willing to oblige to this, he pulls my face to his. His lips are somewhat dry, and he tastes of liquer still, not the most pleasant taste to consort with in the morning either.  
  
I began an assualt on his body, my hands travelling down passed his abdomen, and lower until I can hear him moan. I smirk some as I continue to taste him, forcing my tongue in and out of his mouth. I leave his lips though, satisfied that there must be something of him that will not taste of stale liquer. I lower my mouth to his neck, and lightly lick, and trace my tongue up to his collar bone. With which fond experience of the previous night, I had found he was quite aroused from being bitten. So I lowered my mouth down to the base of his neck and did so. As I listened to his breathe quicken and felt his grasp of my body tighten, I felt his hands rake down my back, and I slightly opened my eyes to see him lean back his head and close his eyes. That having been the reaction I had been looking for, I however saw no reason to continue.  
  
I raised my body slightly, still straddeling him, and give an inquiring gaze down unto him, my ebony hair falling forward over my shoulders.  
  
He takes notice, and gives a lazy yet empty smile, and sighs...  
  
"hmm... can I use your shower before I go?" he asks, his head still listlessly lying back while his sleepy eyes are locked on mine.  
  
I nod my head a bit, still looking lowly at him, with a smirk on my face, then I raise my head again, and gesture towards my right.  
  
"It's there, be quick."  
  
I rise from my position on top of him and walk out of the bedroom without looking back, and turning off the stereo as I exit. I can feel his eyes following me.  
  
- Music Ends -   
  
Intro Music: PJ Harvey - Dry  
  
I enter the kitchen, stepping off the hardwood floors, onto the polished, black and white checkered tiles, contrasting to the bright red walls. They partially match the dark burned steel of my counter tops that is collaged with scatted pictures and red paint, seeming like blood, under a coat of glaze.  
  
The cupboards above my counter, have been replaced with dark gray metal shelves, and metal cupboards splattered with red paint as well, that one might very well find in a utility garage.   
  
My round kitchen table is done in the same manner as the counter tops, and so it is there where I find my refuge from standing. Returing to the coffee I had made just moments before I had went in to wake up the man I only know as "Trek." And also returning to the book I had been reading, a collection of some of Plath's greatest works, I can only consume myself in this, as has been a habit of mine for some time now.   
  
Though of course, it's been a habit of my aquantences to interrupt me once I have a moments peace to read, so clangs open my apartment door. And I sit awaiting the arrival of a familiar face, glancing toward the kitchen entrance.  
  
And as expected, my eyes meet the face of Kaya. She dauntingly peaks her head around the corner, and enters once she see me sitting in the kitchen. Her body comes into veiw, clad in a quarter sleeve white button down, with a quarter sleeve black sweater over it, only interrupted by the red queer and messy lines going across the center. Played off of this was a plaid, red, black, and white, skirt with two bondage strips hanging from the back. She ws propped up an inch or two by the think black boots she wore, that ended mid shin. When my eyes, again met her face, it was then I notice the purple streaks through her hair had been dyed to a bright orange.   
  
"And what's this?" I inquiered. "I thought you weren't a morning person?"  
  
She cocked her head to the side, while walking into the kitchen and slipping into the seat across from me.  
  
"I'm not, just didn't go to sleep last night." she stated plainly.  
  
I nodded my head in understanding.  
  
"Ahh, and thus you had the time to dye your hair?"  
  
She pulled at a strand of the orange colored streaks, looking at it oddly.  
  
"Well, yes, I got bored, at some point... and decided to try orange hair. or at least orange streaks. i'm not sure if I like it or not. oh well..."  
  
Just then "Trek" stops at the doorway fully clothed, yet his long hair still dripping with water, and towle around his shoulders. He gives a questioning look toawrds Kaya.  
  
She responds in the same manner to his appearance, but only slightly smiles and simply says  
  
"Hello."  
  
He nods slightly and obliges to her acknoledgement with his own salutation.  
  
"Hi, I'm Trek."  
  
"Kaya" she simply resonds, still looking over her shoulder at the man.  
  
"Well, i'm gonna be going, so it was nice meeting both of you." he politley states, I nod, and he hands me the soaked bath towel, before gathering his stuff and leaving.  
  
After the apartment door can be heard closing, Kaya finally returns her attention to me and lightly states, without any importance.  
  
"Cute..."  
  
"Hmmm..."  
  
I agree, rubbing my eyes with my hands, and the lifting my coffee to drink.  
  
"well..."  
  
she continues.... though I have no idea what she is getting at...  
  
"aren't you gonna ask if Opeeka let me in? You left the meeting with your vote before they were done, to I assume, do something a bit more stimulating?"  
  
She turns her gaze back towards the door for a moment giving me the chance to catch her drift.  
  
"oh, right, sorry, minds been somewhere else," I state appologetically. "So, whats the verdict?"  
  
She smiled and stated bluntly.  
  
"hmph, what the fuck do you think? with my skills?" she stated laughingly.  
  
I could only laugh at that one, she was if anything confident about her abilities, and with every reason. I had known Kaya for a short while now, after we had ran into each other at an underground show. We had hung out every now and then, meeting in coffee houses, or at my club. Though just recently I had found out about her musical talent, and she had found out about mine, and my need for a DJ. And she was good at it to say the least. On top of that, I could get along with her very easily, we had alot in common. But alot that wasn't too, just enough to understand eachother. So of course we quickly had grown close.   
  
And to her close, I geuss means holding a dominating position in my life, because she had given herself access to all aspects of my life, and now including my work as well. But I didn't mind, after all, she is a cool person. So as long she never got the wrong idea. Kaya may get a little too close sometimes, and I don't mind, except for when she occasionally gets clingy and attatched. She does this sometimes to people who she believes should not be in my life. She never minds the fly bys, but if anyone who I meet intends to stick around for a while, Kaya always has a say in the matter.   
  
Now while ordinarly this may bother me, considering I haven't known her but for a few months, and I usally don't give access to my life away that easily, or at all. Kaya and I just clicked, and besides, I think it's sort of cute.  
  
"what ya thinkin' about?" she asked curiously. I must have been silent and dazed for some time, she looked a little concerned.  
  
"Oh, nothing... just thinking..."  
  
"hmmm..." she knew not to prod. but apparently she found my not telling her, reason for punishment, because just then she snatched my coffee away from me. and poured it down the sink...  
  
"hey!" I complained.  
  
She walked towards me, and dragged me from my seat.  
  
"we're going out, get dressed!"  
  
&^$&^$&$&^$^$$%@$@#$@#$@$@#$@#$@#@#$@#$@#$@#@$#@#@$#@$#@$@#$@$#@#$@  
  
A/N: Okay, thats it for chapter 6. I had to give Pan a friend with a background ya know? any way, please review!=P 


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